we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
