so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
