half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
