We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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