did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
