Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
