I can't breathe out the right side of my face
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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