i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
