apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
