i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
