I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
