My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
