yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
