omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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