But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
