i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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