quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
