I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
