Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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