soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
