I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize