ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
