You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I want to fling myself into the sun
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
