Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You did what with his pubic hair?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
