Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
