Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think your dad took our porno
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
