I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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