Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize