There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
