So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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