she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
True strength comes from lack of pants
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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