I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Randomize
