remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
