Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
