i just wanna soil my oats bro
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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