She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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