while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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