Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
