u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize