There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
