i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
