The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
