ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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