Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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