Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You pole danced in your parka.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
