This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize