1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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