I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
