I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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