wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
