college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
