is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
