forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
