she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
