I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
