entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
