break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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