Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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