i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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