you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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