Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
