hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
