I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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