is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
