I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
