his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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