For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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