I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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