she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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